Dogs & Love & Everything In-Between

But first, an apology.

To all my wonderful subscribers (and online friends) –

I’ve apologized on this platform before, and was met with a resounding chorus of stop apologizing and we understand! and just do what’s best for you, but I still feel the need to say it.

I made this blog when I was terrified and hurt. I had been thrown off a cliff into the unknown, and creating this safe space to write was the very first thing I did. And people actually responded! And they subscribed! And they liked my writing! It was a surreal feeling, and I will never forget how you all supported me in those dark moments.

Since that day, it’s been an astonishing nine months – can you believe it? It’s been nine months of finding my footing, hustling, and trying to find the work/life balance I think so many self-employed people struggle with. It’s been hard, but it’s also been amazing, and it’s all because I had an incredible community helping me through.

The past 2-3 months in particular have been extremely busy, all in the best way. Between fostering, creating content, and working full-time, there are sometimes things I have to drop the ball on.

The reason why I’m apologizing is because this blog is typically the thing I press pause on first.

So I just want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being inconsistent, and I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed anyone. I also want to thank you for being the people who showed up for me when I really needed it.

Now let’s get to the good stuff!

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Dogs & Love & Everything In-Between

Three years ago this week, I FaceTimed with a stranger at the height of the pandemic and life was never the same.

I won’t bore you with the details of our love story (again), but I do want to acknowledge one thing in particular: how my partner loves me through my love of dogs. I truly believe that how a person shows up for you is how they love you, and Jacob has shown up for me and Simon since the very first day we met.

Our first “date” was after a month of us texting and FaceTiming all day, every day. Because the world was still shut down and everyone was still quarantining, we wanted to be extra cautious about meeting safely and intentionally. After multiple COVID tests, we set the date – Jacob invited me over for wine and cheese at his apartment.

He encouraged me to bring Simon. At first I declined, knowing Simon would probably be annoying in a new space, but he insisted. He knew we were a package deal, and he never once shied away from it.

When we got there, he had a charcuterie board set out for us, but he also set up a mini “charcuterie board” for Simon – a plate with a variety of treats he had bought at our local pet store.

I’m pretty sure my heart melted right then and there.

Very early on in our relationship, Jacob also sat me down and told me he wanted to help pay for Simon’s medical expenses. This was something I specifically never asked for and never wanted another person to feel responsible for – I knew Simon was expensive, and his medical care can be a lot.

“You really don’t have to…” I started, trying to shut it down immediately.

“I want to,” he said. “Please?”

And that was that.

About a year after us meeting for the first time, Simon had his worst and scariest medical episode yet. It happened to be the weekend Jacob’s sister was in town visiting New York City for the first time, so the timing couldn’t have been worse.

They left to go get pizza, and Simon started having a seizure. Not just any seizure, either – this seizure was violent, powerful, and just wouldn’t end. There was something in me that knew I was watching my dog die. I called Jacob and wailed, not able to form coherent thoughts or sentences. They ran back to the apartment, and he immediately went into action-mode.

Our typical emergency vet with Simon’s neurologist was a 30-40 minute drive, and we knew we didn’t have that much time. Jacob found the nearest emergency vet to try and stabilize him.

I insisted he stay with his sister, who was only 17 at the time. I already felt guilty that she witnessed something so traumatic, and I just wanted her to have a good trip. I took an Uber over to the hospital, carrying Simon’s lifeless body in his subway bag.

As soon as I get there they rushed him to the back and hooked him up to an IV. He had another seizure on their table. I watched through tears, my heart breaking and breaking until there was nothing left to break.

And then, there he was. Pulling me into a hug, holding my hand. He had arranged for his sister to hang out with a friend of ours, knowing this is where he needed to be.

Once again, he started to plan. He contacted a friend about borrowing her car so we were able to go back and forth between the hospital. He got me food and water. Once Simon was stable, he transported us both to his neurologist. And once Simon was able to come back home a few days later, he was there too.

It’s not just the big moments he shows up for either.

It’s all the walks, all the baths, all the foster dogs he’s loved and cared for without a second thought. It’s the way he makes sure to kiss Simon good morning and goodnight. It’s the way he’s the one to say, look at him! when Simon’s just sleeping.

It’s been a wonderful, soul-changing three years of love and dogs and everything in-between. I am grateful each and every day.